Is this going to be my life for the next few years? Living in a couple of rooms, walking to my job as a gardener in Enfield or do I want some adventure?
Reading the local London newspapers, I see advertisements for emigrants to Van Diemen’s Land. That is a new British colony thousands of miles across the seas on the other side of the world. This might be my chance to eventually develop my own business rather than work for someone else.
After visiting the bounty immigrant office mentioned on the advertisements, I have now been assigned to Mr John Leake who lives in the Midlands in VDL. The immigrant agent told me Mr Leake was very important in VDL; he was a member of the Legislative Council and had the ear of the governor.
Surely a person of this stature would have need of a gardener and if I worked extremely well, maybe he could give me good references for future gardening jobs.
Travelling on the ship Fortitude with about 140 other immigrants, I arrived in Hobart Town early in 1855. Disembarking quickly, six of us were met by a servant of John Leake. George Jobson, who arrived with his wife Harriet and two young sons, was a coachman while both James Axton and I were gardeners.
It took two days by horse and cart to travel on the well worn road from Hobart to Campbell Town, a total of 82 miles. What was this property we were going to work at like?
My new adventure was about to begin.
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This was my first story written in first person rather than third person. Two students commented mentioning the tense changed from past to present a couple of times. They also said I needed to get more of his feelings and thoughts rather than all the factual info. Maybe I am trying to include too much in a short story.
This is about my great great grandfather, William Chandler, who began the Chandler’s Nursery in Hobart. Read more about it here http://www.chandlersnursery.com.au/our-history.html
Readers: Where else could I improve this writing? As it is only going to be published on this blog, feel free to re-write whole paragraphs if you want.
Hi Sue looking forward to hearing your readers comments for Challenge S. Here are a few hints I picked up when battling to learn how to write for Uni.
**Consider whether or not an Abstract can add value, to focus your readers attention to your main point or comment? A brief description of the times perhaps??
1. Check your word limits (assign word counts to each paragraph based on their importance to the story line
2. Point Plan your story/essay or report. etc- write linking sentences from one paragraph to next.so your ideas flow from one point to next.
3. Be succinct (my lecturers favourite word). eg I am going to go to the shop to buy an icecream.” I bought an icecream.”
4. Have an Intro/beginning middle and End
5. Stay in tense – who is telling the story?
6. Research the topic and make sure you are writing for the time.
7. Put the reader in the story- I want to be able to see them in their room?? as I read…
It is becoming popular to write historical fictional stories based on ‘real’ people and events and I hear you when you say it is not really fair to steal someone’s life story and play with it.As a family historian do you remedy this by saying I WONDER if this is how he felt?? Or I am sure that I would not be happy
Will add a brief attempt next- your stories are worth telling keep up the good work. Regards Marg..
Hi Sue- I googled Descriptive essay Writing and found a few ideas. Some writers said not to keep the story in chronological order eg Arriving in Vdl on board The ‘Ship’ in the early spring I was pleased to see a tidy garden on the foreshore where familiar little daffodils turned their faces to the morning sun. How my aching bones longed to feel the warmth again after such a long hard winter in England and a rough crossing. I cannot believe that I am ten thousand miles away from home and I am beginning my new adventure.
Also describe his wrinkled face and gnarled hands that tell of a life of hard work.
Is this more interesting whilst still telling his story??
Depends on your audience/readers and the Style you are most comfortable with .Regards Marg